I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
