my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
pray to the hookup gods
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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