i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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