im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you will always have a special place in my vag
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
