Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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