So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
