why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize