I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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