Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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