i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
