I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
