I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
