Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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