Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize