OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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