I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
