Please, let me fuck your mom
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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