Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
