32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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