I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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