I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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