I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
