you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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