he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't put those talents on a resume
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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