What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
