I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Alive.
So much puke
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
