My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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