how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
