Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
