At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
