i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
