Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
