i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
