Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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