Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
