I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
