it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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