Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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