mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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