none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
