we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just puked most of my soul out..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
