im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We're too hungover to prance.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
