is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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