Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
