i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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