I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize