I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
