The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
