she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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