I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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