There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
