Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
