Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
