And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
