Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
