i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
