if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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