What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
