Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
