i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
