What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
