We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
