3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
