I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
