just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
