What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
