hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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