I didn't shave. On purpose
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
